Best Quotes World

The quotes list contain all best Funny quotes, but these quotes are best according to me, probably your opinion would be different. I hope, you will like all these below quotes-
If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.
By-Cassandra Clare

Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.
By-Carroll Bryant

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
By-Lana Turner

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
By-Elbert Hubbard

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
By-Fred Allen

The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss.
By-Jarod Kintz

I don't hate you I just don't like that you exist.
By-Gena Showalter

If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.
By-Lawrence Ferlinghetti

Never miss a good chance to shut up.
By-Will Rogers

I live in my own little world. But its ok, they know me here.
By-Lauren Myracle

You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's.
By-Bill Watterson

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.
By-Jon Stewart

It's funny how you go through the year day by day but nothing changes, then when you look back, everything's different.
By- Ritu Ghatourey

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
By-Isaac Asimov

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
By-Steven Wright

I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone.
By-Jarod Kintz

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
By-Laurence J. Peter

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
By-Steven Wright

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
By-Mitch Hedberg

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.
By-Robin Williams

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
By-Milton Berle

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
By-Henry A. Kissinger

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else.
By-Will Rogers

Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today's tasks.
By-Holly Black

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
By-Steven Wright

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
By-Groucho Marx

I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone.
By-Jarod Kintz

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
By-Bob Hope

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
By-Rodney Dangerfield

Now I started remembering why I dont remember anything!
By- Homer Simpson

She's cute, I thought, but you don't need to like a girl who treats you like you're ten: You've already got a mom.
By-John Green

If you can't do anything about it, laugh like hell.
By-David Cook

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
By-Groucho Marx

Now it was just the three of us: the leader, the warrior, and the kid about to wet his pants. Guess who I was.
By-D.J. MacHale

I wouldn't say I'm superficial, just averagely ficial.
By-Jarod Kintz

To answer your question, you want me because I'm made of awesome.
By-Gena Showalter

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.
By-Lily Tomlin

How is it possible to have a civil war?
By-George Carlin

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
By-George Burns

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
By-Oscar Wilde

Vampires. They wrote the book on possessive.
By-Charlaine Harris

Whoa, who peed in your Cheerios?
By-Becca Fitzpatrick

I've had great success being a total idiot.
By-Jerry Lewis

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
By-Wendell Johnson

Zebrowski says that if you killed someone else just hide the body, he's not starting over on the paperwork.
By-Laurell K. Hamilton

Remind me," he paused, drawing in a stuttered gasp, "to never piss you off again. Christ, are you secretly a ninja.
By-Jennifer L. Armentrout

Shane looked…pale. Pale and shaken and—how predictable was this?—pissed.
By-Rachel Caine

[Thou] mad mustachio purple-hued maltworms!
By-William Shakespeare

Evil influence is like a nicotine patch, you cannot help but absorb what sticks to you.
By-E.A. Bucchianeri

I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin.
By-Bill Watterson

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Is there any other Funny quotes, which we can add for making this list more strong then don't forget to share below through comment.

I know it will take your sometime, but it can make this list more strong!